Back to Square One
by TheRealityOfFantasy
Summary: Takes place right after 8x23. Dean has taken care of Sammy for his whole life and turned him into a fighter, someone who can't be broken easily. Now that he's suffered through the trials, he's weaker than he's been since he was a kid. Now add a fallen angel to the mix. New chapters will hopefully be posted daily
1. Chapter 1

Seconds aren't passing by.

These are minutes. Hours. Days.

I checked my phone and it had only been two minutes. _Dammit Cas, answer me Man!_ I tried calling the former angel again and the same message played in my ear for the seventh time.

"You have reached the voicemail of: I don't understand. Why, why do you want me to say my name?"

Tired, frustrated, and honestly, scared out of my freaking mind, I shoved my phone back in my pocket. I was worried that Cas was hurt considering his brothers and sisters were raining down around me, but he never got the hang of using the cell phone Sam and I bought him so even if he was okay, he probably couldn't figure out how to answer it. I forced myself to focus on the biggest issue at hand- my half-conscious brother. I had managed to get him into the back seat of the Impala and he was lying on his side with his legs curled up against his chest and his head in my lap. He was filthy and covered in wounds, but he was breathing and I had to count that as a blessing considering everything he just went through. Pulling his hair away from his face, I wiped my sleeve over his cheeks and forehead, trying to get rid of some of the sweat and dirt so the cuts wouldn't get infected. He mumbled something that I couldn't make out, but by his tone it had hurt. Damn, you know things are bad when a little pressure on a scratch hurts a Winchester.

"You're gonna be alright, Sammy. I got you, you're gonna be okay." He gave the smallest hint of a nod, not even acknowledging the name he hated so much. I felt something vibrate against my thigh and looked down, worried he was having some kind of attack. My fear quickly turned into relief, though, when I realized it was my phone buzzing. Castiel's name lit up across the screen and I almost broke it trying to answer so quickly.

"Cas, where are you?" I said a little too loudly, forgetting that my brother probably had the mother of all headaches. I felt him flinch against my leg. Putting a hand on his arm and looking at him apologetically, I turned my attention back to the scared voice trembling in my ear.

"I…I don't know Dean…In a wooded area somewhere. There's a highway close by but nothing looks familiar, it's all trees and rocks and road and-" I cut him off before he had a panic attack.

"Castiel, listen to me, okay? Calm down, I'm gonna find you. Can you see any signs by the highway?" He paused for a second and then confirmed that there were, and read them to me. He was only about a half hour down the road.

"I'm on my way right now. Stay exactly where you are."

"I'm scared, Dean."

"I know, Cas. I am too."

"All I can see are my brothers and sisters falling. I can hear them, Dean, they're falling and hurting and it's all my fault. I'm sorry, I-" I cut him off again.

"This is not your fault. You didn't know, Cas. Don't blame yourself. And do not apologize." He didn't respond.

"You there?"

"…Yes, I'm here."

"Look, everything's going to be fine, I'm coming to get you right now." My phone started beeping. "My phone's dying, it'll only last for a few more minutes if I keep talking to you. Are you okay if I hang up? I don't want there to be an emergency and you not be able to call me."

"I think I'm okay." He didn't sound so sure, and I almost told him to forget it, to just keep talking to me so I knew he was alright. But if something went wrong and he couldn't reach me because my phone was dead…

"Call me if you absolutely have to, otherwise just listen for the Impala. Okay?"

"Okay." He hung up and I gently lifted Sam's head off of my lap.

"Sorry, Sammy, but I have to move your for a minute. I have to drive, we have a fallen angel to save." He grunted in response and tried to move so I could get up. I took my jacket off and bundled it up, turning it into a makeshift pillow for my brother, then ran around to the driver's seat and crammed the key into the ignition.

"We're coming, Cas."


	2. Chapter 2

I was driving down the dark foggy highway so fast that I was afraid I'd pass right by Castiel. Eventually, though, the Impala's headlights illuminated the sign that he had read to me over the phone and slammed down on the breaks, throwing my right arm out behind me to keep Sam from head-butting the back of the passenger seat at 80 miles per hour.

"You alright back there, Man?" He had a startled expression on his face- he must've been asleep.

"Sorry about that. I'm going to find Cas. I'll be right back." He nodded and nuzzled his face into the jacket-pillow that I had given him, trying to block out the world. Even as a grown man, Sammy still acts like he did when he was ten years old if he's hurt or scared enough. You really have to look for it, but it's definitely there. Closing my door as quietly as possible, I ran off the side of the highway into the woods.

"Castiel!" I screamed, praying that he would hear me. Though there's no sense praying anymore…I continued to call out for him until I heard the frightened, small voice I was expecting.

"Dean…" Cas looked up at me from the ground, possibly messier than Sam had been when I dragged him into the Impala. He was kneeling beside a body, two black wings spread across the leaves and tree roots. I froze in place for a second out of sheer pain from the look on his face, but knew if just that was hurting me I couldn't even begin to imagine what he was feeling. I pulled him up and wrapped him in a bone crushing hug. Last time I had done this, he simply stood there, unsure of how to react. I guess the human instincts kicked in because he returned the hug just as hard, burying his face in my shoulder and shuddering. We stood there for a minute, and then I remembered that I had to get back to Sam.

"Come on, Cas. Let's get out of here." I pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes, which were bloodshot and teary. There were streams running down his face, two little wet lines going through all of the dirt. I wiped my thumbs across his cheeks and reached down, grabbing one of his hands.

"Can you walk alright?" He nodded and took one last look at his fallen brother before I pulled him out to the car. Sam was propped up on his elbows in the back seat looking out of the window, waiting for us to get back. He gave the smallest hint of a smile when he saw Castiel, probably glad to see that he was okay. Well, not okay, but alive. I opened the passenger door and Cas climbed in, sitting hunched over with his head in his hands. I slammed his door and walked over to my side, starting Baby up again. For the first time in a while the radio wasn't on and I could hear broken sobs coming from Cas, the kind where it's more gasping for air than crying. I put a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, you're okay now. You're safe, we're going back to the bunker and I'm gonna take care of you." He looked up and stared at me through his tears.

"Dean, I…You don't have to do this." His voice was raspy and small, despite being so deep.

"What are you talking about?"

"This," he gestured to the sky, which was still raining angels, "is all my doing. I expelled the angels from Heaven, it's my fault. I don't deserve your care, or anyone's for that matter. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave me here. I can get out of the car if you want me to." I looked at him, dumbfounded.

"I'm not leaving you on the side of the road to die, Cas. You do _not_ deserve that, no matter how much you think you do. You're coming back to the bunker with me and Sam. Got it?" He nodded, playing with his hands in his lap. I placed one of my own over them.

"Hey. Look at me." He slowly brought his head up and reluctantly met my gaze. "I'm not going to leave you. I will never leave you." I offered a small smile and he attempted to smile back. "Come on, let's go home."


	3. Chapter 3

Getting Sam and Cas out of the car and into the bunker was no easy task. Cas claimed that he could manage by himself so I started to pull my brother out of the back seat, gripping underneath his armpits from behind him so he could lean his back against my chest, his head falling limply on my shoulder. When I had him halfway out of the car I heard a dull thud on the asphalt. _Dammit Cas._ I put on hand in the middle of Sam's back and the other behind his head and pushed him upwards so he was in a sitting position, then closed the door so he had something to lean on. Castiel looked up at me with apologetic eyes and struggled to get himself back up, but I gripped his filthy trench coat and hauled him onto his feet. There was no way he would be able to walk inside by himself so I bent down and scooped him up, one arm across his back and the other behind his knees. He groaned in protest but I wouldn't listen to him. Giving up, he wrapped one arm around my shoulders and leaned his head on his bicep. I walked carefully down the stairs and somehow managed to get the front door open, throwing a foot out behind me to shut it once I was inside. There was still one bedroom available that was near mine so I walked in and gently placed the fallen angel down on the bed.

"I have to go back out to the car and get Sam. Stay here. I'll be right back," I said over my shoulder, already almost out of the room. He nodded and I ran back out to the Impala, opening the door to the back seat carefully as not to let my brother fall out.

"Hey Sammy, I'm here." He looked up and muttered a raspy _hey Dean_ before trying to turn around and step out of the car. He balanced on his feet for a few seconds before collapsing against me, groaning in pain. I picked him up just as I had Cas.

"Damn, Man, you're a lot heavier than Angel boy in there." He chuckled.

"You can't exactly call him that anymore, Dean." I felt a strange pull in my chest, almost like a tightening grasp around my heart. Not pity, exactly, though that may be part of it. Sympathy maybe?

"Just because he isn't an angel upstairs anymore, doesn't mean he isn't to us." I almost said "to me," but stopped myself. I really don't know why, it just sounded kind of…gay. Although the thought has crossed my mind on a few occasions, I couldn't let Sammy catch on. Or Cas, for that matter. Especially Cas. He's going to be so confused with human activity and although he's already aware of what homosexuality is, because he's "indifferent to sexual orientation," I don't want to push him too far into human life so quickly and I think relationships will be a big step that he's not quite ready for.

_This isn't the time to be thinking about the issues of my love life,_ I remind myself, bursting the little thought bubble. I shifted Sam a bit so I could get down the stairs easier and tried to walk without dropping my baby brother, who was inches taller than me. I left the door to the bunker open when I brought Cas inside, which made things a lot easier. I plopped Sam down on the couch and sat next to him, moving to take off his button-down that had been caked with dirt and blood. He pulled away from me.

"Dean, I'm not exactly in great shape but I think Cas is doing a lot worse. I mean emotionally- the trials kind of screwed me up but for the most part I'm okay. Or at least I will be. Castiel just lost his grace. Go help him pull himself together, talk to him. He needs it." I looked down at my hands in my lap, suddenly very uncomfortable.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't look too hot. I could-"

"Dude. Go check on Cas. I'm alright." I knew there was no way I could change his mind, so I stood up and made my way over to Castiel's room. I knocked and got no reply so I slowly opened the door and he was exactly where I had left him. He looked up, eyes even redder than before if that was possible. I walked over to the bed and sat down, putting a hand gently on his shoulder.

"Cas, are you alright?" He contemplated for a second before simply responding "no."

"Hey-"

"Dean, I lost my grace. All of my brothers and sisters fell because of me, Heaven was _destroyed_ because of me. I can't be consoled when I ruined everything I care about!"

I saw the opportunity staring me in the face.

"Are you saying you never cared about anything down here on Earth? Sam? _Me_? You saved me, Cas. You brought me back from the cage. Remember raising me from perdition? I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, don't say Heaven was all you ever cared about."

"That's not what I meant, Dean."

"So you're saying you do care about us? Me?"

"Yes, I do."

"Good, I care about you too. Which is why I'm going to help you get back on your feet and you're not going to protest."

"But Dean-"

"What did I just say?" He looked at me, defeated.

"Alright, fine. I'll accept your help."

"Good. Come on- let's get you fixed up."

**How am I doing? The next chapter will probably be the last, possibly another after that but I'm not sure yet. I'll try to have them up by tomorrow night!**


	4. Chapter 4

**At the end of the last chapter I said that this may be the last one, but a few people are asking me to add more. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do yet. I'll put this chapter up and see what I get for reviews, and based on that I'll decide if I'm going to write more. Thanks for all your support!**

The next few hours were full of new experiences for Cas. As an angel, he never had to take care of his vessel. No food, sleep, showers. This was his first time needing first aid procedures to heal wounds instead of just using his angel mojo. Hell, he never even had to change his clothes. It was a painstaking process but it had to be done, and he didn't know how to do it himself. I sat down next to him and threw one of his arms around my shoulder, ready to hold him up when he stood.

"Alright, put your arm around my waist to steady yourself. I'm gonna hold you up and help you walk, and we're gonna go in the bathroom to get you cleaned up." He nodded, slowly inching forward to put his feet on the floor. I tugged him up and he groaned in pain, but managed to carry some of his own weight as we made our way out of the door, across the hall, and into the bathroom. I leaned over so he could sit on the edge of the tub.

"Take your coat off so I can see how beat up you are, alright?" It was more of an order than a question. He started to pull his arms out of the sleeves as I moved over towards the sink to wet a washcloth, but turned back around when I heard a small cry.

"Dean, I can't. It hurts to bend my arms like that." I bent down in front of him and put my hands on his shoulders underneath the beat up material of the trench coat and black suit jacket, sliding my palms down his arms so the articles of clothing fell into the bathtub. I grabbed them and bundled them up, tossing them to the other side of the room.

"You might have some bad cuts and bruises on your back if just that hurt- let's take your shirt off too." I quickly undid his tie and started undoing the buttons of his white dress shirt, careful not to hurt him in case his chest was in bad shape too. I only saw a few bruises so I wasn't too concerned. The shirt and tie, which were now stained with blood and dirt, fell into the bathtub just as everything else had, and I tossed them on top of the ever-growing pile across the room. Man that stuff would have to be washed. I leaned my head over Cas's shoulder to examine his back, catching my breath at the sight which caused him so much pain:

Two gigantic gashes trailing vertically down his shoulder blades.

Right where his wings would've been.

"Cas," I started to tell him what I saw, but couldn't decide how to word it. He looked up at me, his eyes questioning.

"Yes, Dean?" I shook my head lightly and grabbed his arm, pulling him off of the tub.

"Come here. You…you need to see this." I led him over to the mirror, turning him around so his back was to it and holding his shoulders to keep him upright. "T-turn around and look in the mirror." Without moving his feet, he spun around so he could see the reflection of his back. I've never seen the light leaves someone's eyes more quickly. Then again he didn't have much light in them to begin with.

He turned back to me, tears forming in his eyes. His face crumpled and I pulled him in, letting him collapse against my chest, his sobs muffled by my jacket. I placed one hand on his lower back, careful to avoid touching the wounds, and let the other one run through his hair. His legs were getting weaker and I knew eventually he would fall and wouldn't be able to catch him without touching his back, so I led him over to the closed toilet and sat down, letting him sit sideways on my lap. He gripped my jacket with one hand and let the other rest in his lap, his head falling onto my shoulder and tears soaking my neck.

"I know, I know," I mumbled into his hair. "You're gonna be okay, I gotcha. I'm right here, Cas, I'm not going anywhere." His sobs subsided to sniffles and hiccups, and he lifted his head. I offered a weak smile and he wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dean," he whispered hoarsely.

"You have nothing to apologize for." He was crying softly now, not making much noise but the tears kept coming. I brushed them away with my thumbs and without realizing what I was doing, placed a light kiss on his forehead. He looked at me, confused.

"Dean, what-"

"Come on, Cas. Let's get you stitched up." I tried to avoid the subject. _Smooth move, dumbass,_ I mentally cursed myself. Thankfully, he dropped the subject and let me lead him over to his bed.

"Lay down on your stomach. I'll be right back, okay?" He nodded, struggling to get on the bed. Once he was settled I ran back over to the bathroom and grabbed my medical equipment: a needle, dental floss, scissors, peroxide, two washcloths, gauze, and a big ACE bandage.

"Okay Cas, this is gonna hurt a little bit but you'll be thanking me after," I said, threading the dental floss onto the needle. I set it down on the bedside table where I could reach it easily when I needed to and picked up one of the washcloths, pouring peroxide on it.

"Ready?"

"Mmhm," he mumbled into the pillow. I started by wiping around the wounds, getting rid of the dirt and blood. Once it was clean enough, I threw the cloth in the trash and grabbed the other one, soaking it with peroxide. "This is going to sting." I squeezed the cloth over one of the wounds and it started bubbling immediately after the drops hit it. Cas's hands gripped the sheets so tightly that his knuckles turned white. I finished as quickly as possible, wiping away any peroxide that had dripped out. That washcloth followed the other into the garbage and I kneeled down beside Cas, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to comfort him.

"I'm sorry, I know it hurts. But without your mojo, a wound like that is gonna get infected if you don't keep it clean."

"I know," he muttered, gritting his teeth. "Thank you, Dean. Thank you for taking care of me."

"You got it." I smiled at him, and he was actually able to smile back, though it was weak. "This is the worst part and I wish I didn't have to do it, but you need stitches so those will close up." I motioned to his back, then stood up and grabbed the needle.

"Dean, wait!" Cas looked up at me, panicked.

"What is it?"

"I'm scared." The look in his eyes was heartbreaking. I wanted to just drop everything I was doing and hold him, as though that could heal him. But I couldn't do that, so I did my best to keep him calm.

"It's not as bad as you'd expect. Come on, you've suffered through worse than this!" I chuckled, trying to lighten the drastic situation. Apparently Cas didn't get the hint.

"I had my 'mojo' then." He lifted one arm and made air quotes around the term that I used so often. "I couldn't feel pain to its full extent."

"This must feel like hell then. Well, something close anyway. Come on, let's just get it over with and wrap you up, alright?" He took a deep breath.

"Alright."

I picked up the needle again and began threading it in and out of either side of one wound, tugging to close it up. The sounds of agony coming from Cas were worse than sticking a needle in him. I tied off the end and snipped it, letting him know that we were halfway done.

"Do you want me to stop for a second?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"No, let's just finish this now."

"If you say so." I repeated the process on the wound over his left shoulder blade, having a bit more difficulty from having to lean over him. It seemed to take forever.

"Okay, Cas. I'm all done. Come on; sit so I can wrap you up." I offered him my hand and he took it, pulling himself so he was sitting upright with his back to me, legs crossed on the bed. I held the gauze against the stitches and put one end of the ACE bandage against his chest, pulling it around to wrap over his back. There was enough for it to go around three times, and I clipped the other end to one of the layers.

"You're all set. We still need to get your face cleaned up though, come on." I helped him back into the bathroom and he took his place on the side of the tub again while I soaked a washcloth and took out a small tube of Neosporin.

"I'm just gonna wipe all of the dirt and blood off so I can see where the cuts are, and then I'm gonna put this on them." He nodded in agreement and I ran the cloth over his face, being sure not to press to hard; I was sure there were cuts that I couldn't see underneath all of the crap caked on his face. Once he was completely cleaned off- and the washcloth was completely trashed- I saw that there actually weren't that many cuts on his face. He clearly got hit with a few thorns but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. I put a little dot of Neosporin on my index finger and ran it along each of the scrapes, watching Cas's expression change as the goop relieved the pain.

"Feel better?" I asked, offering a hand to help him up. He grabbed it and leaned against me, and I wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him up. Personal space clearly still wasn't a thing to him, but I didn't really mind.

"Yes, thank you Dean. I actually feel kind of, I'm not sure, my eyes feel heavy and I feel weak, besides everything that just happened." I chuckled, almost forgetting how new such simple human activity would be for him.

"You're tired, Cas. Come in my room and I'll grab you some clothes." I led him down the hall to my room, right next to his. He sat down on my bed and I pulled out a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants and a solid dark red V-neck.

"You can do your pants, right?" I asked, nervous about getting _that _close to him.

"I can't bend down far enough."

_Of course._

"Alright, c'mere." I grabbed his hands and pulled him up. "Hold on to the bed so you don't fall." He complied and I undid his belt, keeping my head down so he wouldn't see how red my face was. He helped me, stepping out of his pants and into the new ones, which were unsurprisingly too big on him. I tightened the waistband and then helped him pull the shirt over his head, careful to avoid touching the ACE bandage where the stitches were.

"You look good in a V-neck!" I winked, chuckling. Hopefully he'd think I was just joking. "Come on, let's get you to bed." I helped him walk out of my room and into his, as much as I wanted him to stay with me. He balanced himself against the dresser while I pulled the covers back for him, then I helped him get in.

"Lay on your stomach or side so you don't hurt your stitches," I warned him, not wanting to have to repeat the process.

"Okay."

"Are you alright if I go to bed?" I looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand. 2:38am.

"Yes, I'm okay. Goodnight, Dean."

"Night, Cas." Reluctantly, I walked out of the room and crawled into my own bed. After tossing and turning for about twenty minutes, I finally fell asleep.

I had a dream that my angel was still flying.

**Whew, longest chapter so far! If I keep adding to this, eventually it's going to lose quality. I want to get my ideas across without getting too off track, so I'm sorry to everyone who thought this was going to have a lot of chapters. The next one will probably be the last, possibly second to last. Thanks for the reviews, favorites and follows!**


	5. Chapter 5

_People have imagined what it looks like for angels to fly for years. Decades. Centuries. But how many are actually lucky enough to watch one? To watch _their own_? I marveled at the sight of _my_ angel streaking through the sky, his wings creating shadows on the grass even as he went higher and higher. He was beautiful. Perfect. And he was _mine.

_My guardian angel. He gripped me tight and raised me from perdition. But our profound bond is much more than that. The love that I have for him goes beyond gratitude, and the feelings go both ways._

_He kept going up, so far that he was no more than a blurry black dot in the sky. He started spiraling down, wings wrapped around his body so he pierced the atmosphere like a bullet. I thought it was a breathtaking trick._

_That is, until I heard him scream._

"Dean!"_ Realizing that he was not performing, but rather falling, I rushed over to where I expected him to land, faster that I've ever run from any demon or hellhound. His screams got louder and louder as he came closer to the ground._

_"_Dean! DEAN!_" But I couldn't reach him. He was too far away._

_His wings were bent at awkward angles, feathers falling out and drifting down._

_"_CASTIEL!_" I turned away from the scene, unable to watch my angel hit the ground. His screams continued all the way down._

_"Dean!"_

_"Dean!"_

_"Dean!"_

"Dean, what's going on?! Answer me!" I opened my eyes, not realizing that they had been shut, and was met with the sharp blue eyes that I knew and loved, along with the worst bedhead I'd ever seen.

"Cas! You're…it's okay. Just a nightmare." He still looked panicked.

"Dean, what happened to you? When I came in here you were thrashing around and you weren't responding to my voice or touch."

"I was dreaming, Cas," I couldn't hold in a small chuckle, but he didn't find it amusing in the least. "It happens when you sleep- you live in a vision in your head. Some are good, some are scary, or sad, or have a negative feel to them in some other way. I had a nightmare; it was scary and sad all at once. I'm used to them, but this one was new."

"What was it about?"

"You." The only time I had seen such a scared look in his eyes was right before I was about to do his stitches.

"Dean, you have nightmares about me?"

He was kneeling by the side of my bed now, hands crossed on the mattress by my face. I put a hand over them. "Not like that, Cas. I had a nightmare about you falling, and I couldn't do anything to save you."

He looked slightly relieved, but now upset over the reminder about the loss of his grace.

"Wait, you said you noticed I was freaking out when you came in here. Why did you come in the first place?" He pulled his hands away and I could just make out a hint of a blush on his cheeks.

"It's nothing, Dean. Don't worry about it. Just…go back to bed." I wasn't buying it.

"Cas?" I dragged out his name. "What's going on? You can tell me anything, you know that." He shifted his feet.

"I…I can't figure out how to sleep. I can't get comfortable in my bed and my back hurts and I'm scared to be in there by myself and-" He was giving himself a panic attack. I could see the reflection of the light in the hall in the tears that had already started to spill. Human Cas sure did cry a lot. Then again I don't blame him based on everything that's happened.

"Okay, stop. Getting yourself all worked up about it is just going to make it harder to fall asleep. Take a deep breath." He did. "Good, now another one." Again, he listened to me. I wiped the tears from his face and grabbed his hand, pulling him closer to the bed and spinning him around.

"Sit down on the edge of the bed and let me check your stitches. It's normal for them to hurt but I want to make sure they're not infected." I helped him get into a comfortable spot and then sat behind him on the bed, legs crossed. I wrapped my arms around him to undo the clip on the ACE bandage, slowly removing it to reveal the gauze, which fell off his back with the absence of the bandage. Note to self- buy gauze tape.

"Your stitches look fine, Cas. They're probably going to hurt like that for a few days. Tomorrow we'll take the bandages off for a few hours to let them air out, and then I'll put new ones on. Alright?"

"Yes, alright." I wrapped him back up and he stood by the side of my bed, shifting his weight back and forth between the balls and heels of his feet.

"Is there anything else you need, Cas?"

"I, um…it's just that…I'm scared." His last word was less than a whisper, and I barely caught it.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Cas. People sleep every night. Well, normal people do anyway, which we are not. You need to get a few hours, at least, though."

"I can't figure out how to do it. I lay there for what seems like forever but only a few minutes go by and even though I'm tired, I can't actually fall asleep."

"You can't fall asleep with a lot on your mind. You need to clear your head."

"And Dean, I don't want to have a nightmare." I would laugh but the look of plain fear in his eyes was heartbreaking. He had never done this before and it's not his fault he was so confused. Sam is going to be relentless when he finds out about this…

"Cas?" He looked up at me. "Do…do you want to stay in here tonight?" He tried to hide it, but I saw relief flood his face.

"If that's alright with you, Dean, I would really appreciate it."

"Come on, jump in." I pulled the covers back and moved over so he had room to get in. Stiffly, as though he was afraid of getting too comfortable, he got himself under the covers and lay down flat on his stomach, his head turned to face me.

"There's your problem, Cas. You need to get comfortable if you want to fall asleep. Try lying on your side, and don't keep your legs straight out like that." He shifted a little bit, putting himself in a more normal sleeping position. "Better?"

"Yes," he yawned. "Now what?"

"Now," I replied, "you just let sleep take you. Relax, close your eyes, and let your mind go blank." Absentmindedly, I grabbed one of his hands under the covers and started rubbing my thumb along his knuckles.

"But Dean…" I could hardly understand him as he spoke through a yawn again. "How am I s'posed to watch over you…if I'm sleeping?" He fought to keep his eyes open.

"Shhh, don't worry about it," I whispered, my lips brushing against his forehead. I kissed it, knowing that he'd be too tired to question me. I actually think I saw him smile.

"Don't worry about it," I said again.

"This time, I'll watch over you."


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up at the butt crack of dawn the next morning after a rough night of sleep. Who could possibly stay knocked out all night with a traumatized fallen angel just inches away from them? Total, from 3:00-5:45, I probably only got about an hour of sleep. The one time I was certain I'd dozed off for the night, I was startled awake with a fist to my jaw. Out of habit I reached for the handgun on my bedside table but realized quickly enough that it was just Castiel having a nightmare. I should've expected something like this to happen. I tried to wake him up but he relaxed just from me wrapping a protective arm around his waist, right below his stitches, so I let it be. If he was alright in dreamland I didn't want to bring him back to reality yet. Minutes later his head had turned my chest into his own personal pillow and he had one hand lightly gripping the front of my t shirt. Somehow I found that I didn't mind, even though I couldn't fall asleep after that.

Around quarter to 6, I decided there was no point in staying in bed; I didn't have a chance of falling asleep and Cas seemed to be alright for the time being. I carefully untangled myself from him and headed out into the kitchen, raiding the fridge for any decent breakfast food. I managed to dig out some eggs, ham, and half a carton of orange juice, and there were croissants on the counter. _Perfect._ I grabbed a frying pan and scrambled enough eggs for me, Cas, and Sam, somehow managing to cut the croissants and throw them in the toaster practically simultaneously. The ham heated up in the frying pan in seconds after the eggs were done, and I threw together three breakfast sandwiches that I was pretty damn proud of. As I was brewing myself a pot of coffee and pouring orange juice for Sam and Cas -Sam needed the vitamins and I didn't want to turn Cas into a coffee addict quite yet- I heard quiet footsteps coming down the hallway.

"Good morning, Dean." There were no words that described Cas when he walked into the kitchen more accurately than just plain freaking cute, as much as I hated to admit it. His hair was even messier than usual, his bright blue eyes were still adjusting to the light, and the dark red V-neck that I had let him borrow was off center a bit, pulled to the side and slightly hanging off his left shoulder. "I woke up and you weren't there." He rubbed the sleep from one eye with the back of his hand and I actually had to force myself to look away.

"Sorry, Cas," I apologized from the other side of the kitchen, acting like I was still fixing breakfast. "I was getting a little restless and couldn't stay in bed anymore."

"Can…can I ask you something?" He slowly made his way over to me, staring at his feet.

"Sure man, what's up?" This could either be a 'how come my stomach is making strange sounds and whatever you're cooking smells better than usual?' question or a 'what's my purpose now that I've lost my grace' question.

"Why did you kiss my forehead last night?"

Or, you know, that.

"I…um…"

"As far as my knowledge goes, kissing is a display of endearment that is exchanged between lovers. Am I mistaken?" Damn it, I couldn't at least have my coffee before this?

"No, you're not wrong." I was at a loss for words. How do I explain this to him?

"So, does that make us lovers?"

"N…Um…Cas, kissing isn't… it doesn't necessarily _have _to be romantic."

"Then what other forms of kissing are there?"

"I…I don't know."

"Why are you stuttering so much? Are you uncomfortable?"

"Cas, I wanted to make you feel better. You were broken, and I didn't like seeing you like that. I wanted to help you because I…care about you." He did the freaking head tilt thing.

"So, it's acceptable to kiss someone if you care about them?"

"It has to be...there needs to be a special connection between the two people…"

"Like…a profound bond?"

"I guess."

"Okay." If he had actually been comfortable in his vessel-turned-body he probably would've shrugged, but he just simply stated it.

"Okay?"

"Yes, okay." He came closer until we were inches apart, met my gaze for a split second, and then kissed me. I stood there like an idiot for a few seconds, kissing back but too stunned to do too much else. He pulled away and looked at me before stating simply:

"I care about you, and we share a profound bond."

"Cas, are you saying-"

"I believe the appropriate term for how I feel is…I love you, Dean."

What.

"I, Cas, are you sure? I mean, you were a freaking angel, aren't you supposed to be against that or something?"

"I am indifferent to sexual orientation. Anyway, I've always been a bit rebellious when it comes to my father's standards." I sure as hell wasn't going to argue.

"Well, I…I love you too, Cas." I smiled and began to lean in again until a certain voice stopped me.

"Morning. What's u- um…am I interrupting something?" I spun around and saw a slightly less zombie-looking version of my brother leaning against the doorframe.

"Sammy! I didn't know you were up. I, um, we were just…I made breakfast." This was by far the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. I felt like a freaking teenage girl.

"I can see that. I can see a little something else too." He waved a finger between me and Cas.

"Yeah, about that…"

"Dude, it's about time."

"What?"

"Seriously, it's not like I couldn't tell. I'm practically never away from you, and Cas is here a lot of the time too. Now it looks like he's going to be with us for good, and if something didn't happen I was gonna speak up." I stared at him blankly, not sure how to respond. After a few seconds, the silence got pretty awkward. Thankfully, Sam realized it too.

"Let's eat. You threw all this together for us; we shouldn't let it get cold." I grabbed the three plates and brought them over to the table, placing mine next to Cas and across from Sam. I changed the subject as quickly as possible without being too obvious about it.

"So Sam, how have you been? You look a little better."

"Sleep helped, I still feel like I went through a wood chipper. Maybe a slightly smaller wood chipper though."

"You'd tell me if you weren't feeling better, right?"

"No."

"Sammy?"

"Dean, I'm fine. I could be dead, but I'm breathing, talking, eating. Don't make _me_ your biggest concern right now." He was talking as if Cas wasn't sitting a foot away from me.

"Alright, fine. What about you, Cas? Stitches feeling any better?" He looked up from his sandwich, clearly excited that he could enjoy food now.

"No, not really. But you said that was normal."

"I want to check them again after we eat. And like I said last night, we'll let them air out for a little while too. That should help." I was already starting to get nervous about just being alone with him to tend to his wounds. I can't just leave him to fend for himself with it because I'm having hormonal teenager issues, though.

We were done with breakfast way too quickly. Sam seemed a little too enthusiastic when he offered to do the dishes, that little bastard. I told Cas to meet me in the bathroom so I could check out his back. Then I realized how that sounded. I walked off without another word.

I swear I saw Sam wink.

**I keep saying I'm going to wrap up soon but I'm not entirely sure when. Probably pretty soon. There's gonna be at least one more chapter after this. Thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting, following, blah blah blah. Let me know what you guys think about this chapter and maybe I'll do a few more.**


	7. Chapter 7

I never thought I'd say this but our bathroom was too damn organized. Everything was right where it should've been, meaning I couldn't stall looking for peroxide and Neosporin when Cas got here. If there's one thing I freaking suck at, it's talking about love and feelings and all that mushy crap, and I knew that's where this was going. I heard footsteps coming closer and pretended to examine prescription bottles that were I don't even want to know how old.

"Thank you for breakfast, Dean. It was delicious." I closed the medicine cabinet and turned around to see Cas standing by the door awkwardly, swinging his leg a bit.

"No problem, eating's gonna be a regular thing for you now so I figured I'd try to make your first meal a good one." I started reading the label on the peroxide bottle, thinking maybe it was about a billion years old and I'd have to run out and get a new one. Of course not. We bought it last week. told myself it was stupid to just ignore the elephant in the room. I turned around and looked at the former angel.

"Come on, Cas. Come sit down on the edge of the tub and I'll check your stitches. And I wanna talk to you." He walked in, getting inside the tub before sitting on the side of it so he was facing away from me. I grabbed the hem of his -well, technically my- shirt and carefully pulled it off, discarding it on the floor next to me. He winced as I took the ACE bandage off for the second time. The gauze fell and I checked his stitches, which were healing a bit faster than I thought they would.

"Looking good, Cas. I'm gonna put some of this stuff on them so they keep healing that well, and then just stay like that for a couple hours and I'll wrap them back up." He nodded.

"Thank you, Dean. Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I got the feeling he already knew. I couldn't bring up this conversation, not yet. I needed time to think about it. I poured peroxide onto a washcloth and began dabbing his back with it.

"Um…what was your dream about last night?"

"What?" He questioned, flinching when the liquid started to bubble. That clearly wasn't the question he was expecting.

"I woke up and you were moving around a lot and kind of crying, you were clearly having a nightmare. Do you wanna talk about it or anything?"

"It was nothing new. The angels falling. The feeling when I first lost my grace. Having that empty feeling that I now know is hunger." I could tell by the tone of his voice, he wasn't telling me the whole story. Cas always was a bad liar.

"That's really all there was to it?" I finished up his back, fanning it with my hand so it would dry. I know how good that cold feeling is right after cleaning up a wound, too. I put the supplies back in the medicine cabinet and sat down on the edge of the tub next to Castiel, facing the opposite way but leaning back so I was looking him in the eyes. He couldn't lie to me if he was staring right at me.

"Well… No. That's not all there was to it." He had been looking at his hands in his lap and lifted his gaze to meet mine. "I dreamed that you fell too." I saw his eyes start to well up and put a hand on his.

"Dean, I watched you fall to the ground, surrounded in flames, and there was nothing I could do to stop you. I was running and running but I couldn't catch up and catch you in time and with a fall like that, you were never an angel so with a fall like that as a human you just…you just…I couldn't save you…" his crying intensified as he spoke and by the end of his explanation he couldn't speak anymore, just simply sat there choking on his own sobs. I pulled him into my chest.

"It's okay, Cas. You're okay, I'm okay, everything's okay now. I'm right here; nothing's gonna happen to me. I'm always gonna be with you, even when times get rough. Hell, we both made it outta purgatory, didn't we? Not in the best way possible but we both made it out, and now we're here, together, and that's not gonna change." Just like I had the first night he slept in my bed, I leaned down and kissed Castiel's forehead. He looked up, two little rivers flowing down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry I'm so weak. I'll try to pull myself together." He sniffled and went to wipe his face. I grabbed his wrists.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You have nothing to apologize for. Do you understand me?" Slowly, he nodded.

"Yes."

"Good." I knew I had to bring the topic from earlier up while it was just me and Cas, and Sam was somewhere in the bunker most likely doing research. "Now, we need to talk about something."

"What is it?"

"About this morning… I feel like we just left the conversation wide open. We need to figure out what's going on. I…I love you, but I know you're so new to all this human crap and I don't want you to rush into anything and-"

"Dean, I have been around for longer than you can imagine. I've observed countless relationships and know what love looks like. This, I honestly believe, is love. And since you seem to share the same feeling, I intend to do something about it rather than just sit around in an uncomfortable silence." He leaned forward and forcefully kissed me, sending me leaning back so far that I almost fell into the bathtub. I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself and kissed back for a few seconds before pulling away and looking at him, puzzled.

"This is a new side of you, Cas." I smiled at him and leaned in again. He said something so softly before closing the gap between us that I barely heard him.

"Perhaps it's the human side of me."

**Guys. Guys it's done. I can't continue this and make it good, the story is just gonna get sucky. Thanks for all your great reviews, and please let me know what you thought of this chapter!**


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